I am brokeDOWN with the motherhood. For real this time. I don't know how it happened but about a week ago, things got really really crazy. Yes there are others with more children and more responsibility than me. But some how, I am maxed out with my little needy people.
Yesterday I had a great conversation with a friend in my stage of life. She said, "I don't even know what's important anymore." And that's exactly how I feel. If I get a free 30 minutes I don't know whether to exercise, shower, be productive, cook, clean, rest, do something fun. I don't know. Usually by the time I decide what to do, the free time has passed.
I'm always straightening up, but nothing is clean. I'm always preparing food, but the next meal is just a few hours away.
Others have traveled this road. So I know I will make it. But in the meantime I'm remaining very disheveled and I struggle to be content in the midst of the disheveled-ness.
I try to create order. But someone is always in the background oh you know - pouring out a cup of red Gatorade, or bringing a toy wheelbarrow of dirt in the house, or taking the screen off our newly screened in porch, or (currently happening) spray painting a fire ant bed green.
Sometimes I just close my eyes for 10 seconds, take a deep breathe, and say "Help me, Lord."
Other times I fix a large glass of water and drink it.
Usually, when I write post like this my mom sends me a text, "Do I need to come help you?"
Most of the time I say No, this is just normal life. But now I'm thinking. Yes I need help! Mama, can you come get me? Like when you're sick at school and need to be picked up.
I love my life. I love my family. Wouldn't change a thing. And I know that challenges are all relative. Perspective is everything. But wow. I am so challenged by the motherhood. Challenged in a good way. But nevertheless - challenged.
My sister in law wrote a great post about motherhood and Easter. I stand encouraged. Encouraged and disheveled.
pics taken a couple weeks ago
disheveled definition- marked by disorder or disarray