I am brokeDOWN with the motherhood. For real this time. I don't know how it happened but about a week ago, things got really really crazy. Yes there are others with more children and more responsibility than me. But some how, I am maxed out with my little needy people.
Yesterday I had a great conversation with a friend in my stage of life. She said, "I don't even know what's important anymore." And that's exactly how I feel. If I get a free 30 minutes I don't know whether to exercise, shower, be productive, cook, clean, rest, do something fun. I don't know. Usually by the time I decide what to do, the free time has passed.
I'm always straightening up, but nothing is clean. I'm always preparing food, but the next meal is just a few hours away.
Others have traveled this road. So I know I will make it. But in the meantime I'm remaining very disheveled and I struggle to be content in the midst of the disheveled-ness.
I try to create order. But someone is always in the background oh you know - pouring out a cup of red Gatorade, or bringing a toy wheelbarrow of dirt in the house, or taking the screen off our newly screened in porch, or (currently happening) spray painting a fire ant bed green.
Sometimes I just close my eyes for 10 seconds, take a deep breathe, and say "Help me, Lord."
Other times I fix a large glass of water and drink it.
Usually, when I write post like this my mom sends me a text, "Do I need to come help you?"
Most of the time I say No, this is just normal life. But now I'm thinking. Yes I need help! Mama, can you come get me? Like when you're sick at school and need to be picked up.
I love my life. I love my family. Wouldn't change a thing. And I know that challenges are all relative. Perspective is everything. But wow. I am so challenged by the motherhood. Challenged in a good way. But nevertheless - challenged.
My sister in law wrote a great post about motherhood and Easter. I stand encouraged. Encouraged and disheveled.
pics taken a couple weeks ago
disheveled definition- marked by disorder or disarray
synonyms- chaotic, cluttered, confused, disarranged, disarrayed, messy (or dishevelled), disordered, disorderly, higgledy-piggledy, hugger-mugger, jumbled, littered, messed, muddled, mussed, mussy, pell-mell, rumpled, sloppy, topsy-turvy, tousled, tumbled, unkempt, untidy, upside-down
Oh SB - I'm so sorry about the stresses. SS and LB are at ages where they are big enough to be into anything but too small to focus on anything. It's hard. I've never been a mom but I can PROMISE you that it will get better I just hope its soon. Take care of yourself. I LOVE you!! p.s. they are adorable!
ReplyDeleteoh girl, I hear you. I will pray for you. You've got the right perspective - you just need a little time. {big hug}
ReplyDeleteAnd here's something that helps me with motherhood perspective: The days are long, but the years are short.
You manage to make me laugh even when you are feeling disheveled.
ReplyDeleteA fire ant bed green, huh?
Praying for grace over you in this season. And wisdom to know what to do with those 30 seldom minutes. :)
Love this post! The motherhood iiiiissssss hard. Harder than i thought it would ever be. But I am so thankful that I am in the motherhood and for my precious little ones. Disheveled right there with ya.
ReplyDeleteI always love your blog. Today was one of those days here. And Jason was home with me!!! I love the quote above on perspective. I have prayed A LOT for patience lately. When Connor gets past the stage where he stays where I put him, I am in soooo much trouble.
ReplyDeleteOh my word I could have written this post. It has been HARD lately!!! For real hard. Ugh. So hard. Did I mention hard??!!
ReplyDeleteTomorrow is our anniversary and we are going for a night away. And oh my word...if I hadn't had that to look forward to...I might have lost it.
But I love my girl and being a Mama something fierce. It's a crazy world. Hang in there!
SB, it doesn't matter if you have 10 kids or one - motherhood is always challenging, and there are some stages that are harder than others. I think it's safe to say you're in one of those stages. Hang in there! You are doing the most important job in the world, and doing it very well.
ReplyDeleteps. I love the pictures & thanks for the mention!
SB!
ReplyDeleteIt's like you are in my house, my head and my heart. I totally relate. I need to send you a pic from my kitchen/den area. I was looking around the total chaos and kept thinking, "didn't I just clean this?" I also can't leave my children alone together for the short time it takes to go to the bathroom without fearing they may possibly maul each other out of a hugfest gone wrong...turns into biting and hair pulling. We are going to make it, but as for now we are KNEE DEEP in motherhood!
xoxo,
liza
I hear your pain! Some days my goal is just to "maintain". To actually progress is out of the question. Feel free to send Stephen over to play sometime. I think he would fit right into the chaos at our house.
ReplyDeleteOh how I understand...your post captured exactly how I feel these days. I don't know whether I am coming or going right now and yes, sometimes all I can do is just drink a large glass of water because I have lost all ability to prioritize. Hang in there--you aren't alone--this phase of life it is only for a season!
ReplyDeleteSorry you're feeling so broke down, sweet SB! I have no wee ones of my own, but I frequently stand in AWE of you mamas and how you keep up with ANYTHING at all! I hope you know that you're an amazing blessing to your babes, even if you feel higgledy-piggledy (thank you, synonym list!). You are in my prayers, friend! Keep on keeping on :)
ReplyDeleteJulie
i am there. and it scares the fire out of me that in 7 weeks, i will no longer be working...only in my home. eek. you are a wonderful mama. you bless others with your broke-down-ness, because we all relate to you. thank you for not pretending. :)
ReplyDeleteI know. I know. I wanted to comment and didn't know how to encourage you on this because I don't know the answer.
ReplyDeleteI do notice that in every picture you post that is supposed to show a messy room or something to that nature, both of your children are smiling and full of joy. I think you can call your work accomplished.
You encourage me more than you know.